No, Scary Man, I will not get in your van

A while back, I answered an ad to be an unpaid assistant when needed for a fashion photographer. I thought it would be helpful to see what lighting techniques he uses. The other day he calls and wants to know if I'm free Thursday. The voicemail was normal enough. I call him back, he tells me he's shooting Helmut-Newton-style in an old theater north of Manhattan. I have no idea if that just means black-and-white or pictures of a vagina. He tells me to email him and he'll email me the info. So, I send him an email...

Hi [photographer],

Just a follow up email from our phone call... I'd be happy to assist Thursday. I can't read my handwriting about where the Starbucks is where you're meeting that morning, so please send me the time and location and I'll be there.

Thanks,

Madeline

I get an email back titled "Thursday callsheet." The call sheet is supposed to name everyone in the crew, locations, times, and maybe even what the purpose of the shoot is. The entire email labeled "call sheet" says...

Meet time 9:00 AM

>

Where: Starbucks on West 43rd and 9th Ave. Meet silver mini van on West
43rd. I am tall with black polar fleece sweater

>

Thanks

>

Um... Seriously?

So, I don't reply. Great. 9 a.m. Got it. Weirdo.

But there's something not right about it. While watching ANTM, I tell LV that I feel like I need to take a picture of the van's license plate to email to him so they know what vehicle to look for if I go missing. He's completely opposed to the idea of me going on this shoot. I start to think I really don't want to go either. Sure, a real psychopath probably would have made up a call sheet with names and phone numbers, but that doesn't mean I have to give up my day to someone who would call that a call sheet.

I get a voicemail from the photographer around 10 p.m. He wants to know if I'm doing this shoot. Um... Didn't I say I would? Now I really don't like him.

I email the photographer to let him know how creepy the whole thing seems. First there's a new email to me simply saying "Starbucks 9 a.m. Look for the Japanese crew." I don't find that to be reassuring. Where are we going...? He replies right away to my new email about how creepy the whole thing is by telling me I can Google him. This has never been an issue before. He really needs me to assist today. It's a public place. I can just not get in the van.

Um... I'm not gonna get up early to travel an hour to not go to the shoot. I'll just make that decision from here. Also, Google me.

Part of me--the part that likes to second guess a lot--thinks it's terrible I bailed on this guy. And the rest just thinks, No, pasting part of an old email doesn't show nearly enough respect for how much my day is worth.

Jay is very tall

Now, it's probably totally hypocritical to label all of my photos with a big "MadelineStrum.com" and then steal images off TV, but, until I get my cease and desist order, these images are courtesy of Tyra Banks, Ken Mock and the fabulous people at CW.

This is Sarah, shooting the 14 contestants for America's Next Top Model Cycle 10. I tried to stand as far away from Sarah as possible during filming so as not to end up on TV. When she asked me to stay closer so she could hand me the camera when she was done shooting, I took to squatting as close to the ground as possible so I would not end up on TV.

Mr. Jay is very tall, but when the cameras first started rolling, I was like right over his shoulder the whole time. We all were. The producers told us to stop clumping. So, I took to scurrying around the background. At one point I kicked over a pipe and caused a really loud bang. Then I started hiding farther away from the set (which wasn't really possible).

I am squatting and thus escaped being in this frame. It also helped me keep warm. It was really cold in November.

My most loyal client

CrazyColoredGlasses doesn't pay, but they sure do love having me shoot. And feeling appreciated is always a good thing. And the subjects are always easy to work with.

Ooh...

I don't know what it is, but I had to take a picture.

I was on my way back from meeting a couple whose wedding I'll be photographing in two weeks. Nerve-racking isn't quite the right adjective, but weddings... They're a trip.

Everyone Showed Up

It was like a test shoot miracle. Although the model was switched last minute, we had hair, makeup and a wardrobe stylist. Yay!

The dark gray background I wanted was out of stock, so we shot on the light gray that arrived earlier in the week. The color pictures are nice, too. I ended up getting really good with the healing tool after retouching clothes and all on 16 images for the agency. Our model was quite the chameleon (not that you can tell from the two I put here) and the team was awesome (love the bow).

Quick, huddle for warmth!

It's cold in this joint.

Printing the Book

I wanted to be able to show off my latest work at a happy hour with old coworkers, so I quickly put together pages and tried to print as many as I could before running out of ink. LV told me too many pages were devoted to boring pictures. But at least I had good cards to hand out... (There's no "MadelineStrum.com" in print.)

New Stuff, Cheap Stuff

I ordered all this new equipment after I realized I would be able to shoot real models with real stylists. Unfortunately, I ordered really cheap equipment that doesn't break down and store away easily. So, we have softboxes and a clothing rack still set up in the dining room...

Wardrobe Function

My wardrobe stylist did not cancel! She drove down with a set of clothes to do a geek chic shoot. The model showed up, too! Shoots should always be like that...

Super Bowl Sunday

I was supposed to do a shoot with a wardrobe stylist at her fiance's bar, but she had an emergency and needed to cancel. I'm still hoping to reschedule that shoot.

The model, the makeup + hair stylist, and I threw together an outdoor gear shoot in my backyard. Just as I've discovered it's bad for me to shoot on at dawn because I am not a morning person, I've now discovered Sundays aren't very good days for me either.

Post Surgery

Here is a picture of Streaky not licking his incisions. He tended to do that a lot after surgery on Friday.

So much licking in fact that I had to take him to the emergency clinic Saturday night. When I cam home and wanted a picture, he wouldn't pose. I posed for him. LV said it was mean, but I feel the opposite. If I have to wrap the cats in towels and get them to swallow antibiotics twice a day, then I can take all the funny pictures I want. I'm sure that's flawed logic and totally lacking in compassion, but all my compassion went into getting two cats to swallow two teaspoons of medicine twice a day.

I only fed Streaky like this twice. Then I realized he wasn't going to stop in the middle of eating to lick his wounds. (Photo by LV)